Everyone gets angry at times; it’s part of our human range of emotion and one of our survival emotions. Anger can be useful or destructive, depending on our ability to control and direct it.

Anger is what we feel when our emotional brain (the limbic system) senses danger or threat around us. When we feel angry, our bodies prepare us for action, the “fight” part of the fight-or-flight response. Physiological changes include release of hormones for increased strength and redirecting blood flow to the muscles of our upper body. Anger makes our hands form fists. While fighting may be necessary when we need to defend ourselves, it is not an appropriate or useful response for many situations in our complex world.

Since we cannot turn off the fight-or-flight response , we all need to learn ways to slow down angry feelings and reactions until we can clearly decide on a reasonable response. These skills are essential to effective interactions with others, but they aren’t always easy! It requires quick identification of anger and practice in using alternate ways to express anger.

When Anger is a Problem

While the feeling of anger is neither good or bad, the way we deal with it can be problematic.

Internalizing Anger: Keeping angry feelings hidden, or failing to recognize when you’re angry, can:
• Cause anger to build inside of you.
• Contribute to the development of physical symptoms (high blood pressure, chronic muscle tension, etc.).
• Lead to depression.
• Cause you to express your anger unknowingly in indirect and passive ways.

Externalizing Anger: Unregulated angry outbursts, both verbal and physical, can:
• Contribute to conflict and an escalation of anger.
• Cause danger to you or those persons receiving your anger.
• Be abusive.

The Keys to Anger Management

• Awareness: Notice the changes that occur in your body when you’re angry. Your face may flush, your breathing becomes shallow, you feel a rush of adrenaline, your arm muscles tense and your hands form fists. Practice “catching” these body signals as cues that you’re angry.
• Breathe: When you’ve identified that you feel angry, take several slow, deep breaths. Counting to yourself can help, and if you feel compelled to act, try sitting on your hands while you breathe and count. This will slow down your angry reactions and calm the intensity of your feelings.
• Think: As you calm your anger, you will be able to think more clearly about why you’re feeling angry and to consider reasonable choices for responding.

Ways to Manage Angry Feelings

• Do something physical that is safe and doesn’t harm you or anyone else. This will help to discharge the muscle tension that has built up in your body. Go for a run, punch your pillow or mattress, tear up scrap paper, jump rope, etc.
• Take responsibility for your angry feelings. Speak to the person you’re angry with. Use calm, respectful words, giving specific information about what prompted your feelings. Then make a request of the person about what you’d prefer he/she to do in the future. You have a better chance of getting a positive outcome this way.
• Sort out your angry feelings with a trusted friend. Identify reasonable steps you can take to address the anger-provoking situation in a constructive manner.
• Seek professional help if you are unable to manage your anger effectively.